I'm Still Waiting for 'Ballerina Husbands...'

The cast of Baseball Wives (VH1).

On Wednesday Nov. 30., VH1 will premiere the reality show Baseball Wives. The series is one of many spinoffs of the successful Basketball Wives franchise, which includes series such as Basketball Wives LA and Football Wives. Upon seeing the trailer for the show, I realized how many reality shows there are about ‘wives.’ Some examples include The Real Housewives franchise, Mob Wives, and Love & Hip Hop, a series following the wives of famous rappers. National Geographic is even jumping on the trend, with the series Wild Wives of Africa, which is about female animals in wild habitats. No, really. Even though all of these series have different casts of women who presumably come from different backgrounds, all of the ‘wives’ shows have one common feature: drama. These shows exploit the women, showcasing their jealousy, pettiness and plenty of weave-pulling cat fights. VH1’s blog for Baseball Wives shows the women in skimpy outfits while they attempt their best pinup poses. What does this have to do with baseball again?

             But my real problem with all of these ‘wives’ series is that the only reason these women are being featured is because they have prominent husbands. The trend of shows revolved around wives displays the double standards that are common in our society. There is still much more pressure for women to get married than there is for men, and women are often defined by whether they have a man in their lives. The pervasiveness of these shows suggest that the most women can seek is to be attached to a successful man instead of achieving such success themselves. But at the same time, even when these women do ‘achieve’ marrying a rich man, the media makes it seem as though these women deserve to be ridiculed for doing so. Many people dismiss the women on these shows as being golddiggers, and claim they don’t deserve to be on television. I’ve watched Basketball Wives as a guilty pleasure, and the women always make it a point to mention that there’s more to them than just being the wife of a famous athlete. Several of the women have their own businesses, went to college and are mothers. Basketball Wives itself is the business venture of Shaunie O'Neal, ex-wife of basketball star Shaquille O'Neal. Yet the titles of these shows undermine the importance of these women – because what matters most is that they are wives.

Would we be as quick to attack men if they were in the positions as these women, dismissing them as ‘jumpoffs’ of their more successful wives? It’s hard to imagine, since we are rarely presented with such a scenario in our society. The media only heightens the gender inequality – after all, there isn’t a chain of shows about men who are married to famous women. Most people would be hardpressed to even imagine what type of show that would be, since the most attractive, high paying jobs in our society have traditionally been coded ‘masculine,’ and the few career choices that we automatically think of as ‘feminine’ would probably make ridiculous television (‘Ballerina Husbands,’ anyone?).  But even if there were television shows following the husbands of famous women, I don’t think they would be throwing Smirnoff on one another.

Controversy over Rihanna's Video "We Found Love"

Rihanna’s latest video, “We Found Love,” has recently garnered controversy for its frank depiction of drug usage and abuse. The video stars Rihanna and Chris Brown-look-alike Calvin Harris in a chaotic, dysfunctional relationship. Eileen Kelly of the Rape Crisis Center said "Rihanna's new video is a disgrace. It sends the message that she is an object to be possessed by men, which is disturbingly what we see in real violence cases." Critics were particularly bothered by a scene where her boyfriend tattoos the word ‘Mine’ on her backside while she’s screaming in pain. The video also intercuts between scenes of the couple arguing and having sex, although they aren’t physically violent as the heated scenes between Meagan Fox and Lost star Dominic Monaghan in “Love the Way You Lie” are. But I have to say that the video doesn’t bother me much: “Love the Way You Lie” is far more disturbing to me, because the lyrics express that the abuser is lying about being sorry for hurting her, the female says she ‘likes the way it hurts,’ not to mention during the actual video we only see her being violent towards him. Even more important than the fact that there are other, far more controversial music videos, “We Found Love” is just one of the many images in our society that works to ‘normalize’ hypersexuality. Thus, we can’t blame just Rihanna, because she is simply a product of our larger, image-centered society.

As one blogger pointed out, the central problem with many of these criticisms is that they give different expectations for prominent women in the media than for men. Why is it that female celebrities, especially pop stars, have to be ‘role models’ when males are not expected to meet such high expectations? And critics seem to be forgetting that double-standards work both ways: although many feminists fight against oppressive images of women, only showcasing positive images of women won’t help us achieve equality either. And besides, I do believe Rihanna has the right to write about her own experiences. I actually appreciate Rihanna’s candid lyricism – even if the message that she wants to get back all of the bad stuff just to get back the good stuff isn’t politically correct, it reflects what many women experience in real life. And in the end, Rihanna’s character does walk out on her boyfriend, suggesting that the video may instead be trying to show how unhealthy dysfunctional relationships are. So maybe the video really isn’t sending such a controversial message – or at least not one that’s so black-and-white.

Ashley Madison: Fat Women are Scary

The day after Halloween, I noticed this ad on the back page of New York Metro. The ad features an obese woman posing in lingerie. While the image disturbed me, the ad’s tagline actually bothered me more, asking: “Did your wife scare you last night?” Then I noticed the bottom of the ad: it was an ad for Ashley Madison, a company that caters to married people who want to have affairs. I’ll push the moral problems I have with this homewrecking business to the side, and instead focus on the ad’s not-so subtle implication that fat women are ‘scary.’ And of course, if a woman is fat, she deserves for her husband to cheat on her. After all, it’s her fault for not realizing those marriage vows came with a weight clause.

What doesn’t make sense is that the business may be risking offending customers who are big women, which according to the company is a growing sector of their consumer base. But it’s not like Ashley Madison ever acknowledges female consumers in their advertisements – most of their ads contain half naked women to lure in potential male customers. I guess it’s not shocking that Ashley Madison’s ads reflect gender stereotypes - that only men have affairs and no man wants a heavy woman – because this is true of almost all media. Other bloggers were bothered by the ad's reinforcement of the myth that fat women don’t get laid. I can’t say the ad is doing something horrible that’s never been done before – after all, it’s nothing new to see women being valued by their physical attributes over all else. But this ad attacks so many groups and values at the same time - women, bigger people and the institution of marriage itself - that it's offensiveness is impossible to ignore. I think what’s truly scary about this ad is that it was ever allowed to run in the first place.