I'm Still Waiting for 'Ballerina Husbands...'

The cast of Baseball Wives (VH1).

On Wednesday Nov. 30., VH1 will premiere the reality show Baseball Wives. The series is one of many spinoffs of the successful Basketball Wives franchise, which includes series such as Basketball Wives LA and Football Wives. Upon seeing the trailer for the show, I realized how many reality shows there are about ‘wives.’ Some examples include The Real Housewives franchise, Mob Wives, and Love & Hip Hop, a series following the wives of famous rappers. National Geographic is even jumping on the trend, with the series Wild Wives of Africa, which is about female animals in wild habitats. No, really. Even though all of these series have different casts of women who presumably come from different backgrounds, all of the ‘wives’ shows have one common feature: drama. These shows exploit the women, showcasing their jealousy, pettiness and plenty of weave-pulling cat fights. VH1’s blog for Baseball Wives shows the women in skimpy outfits while they attempt their best pinup poses. What does this have to do with baseball again?

             But my real problem with all of these ‘wives’ series is that the only reason these women are being featured is because they have prominent husbands. The trend of shows revolved around wives displays the double standards that are common in our society. There is still much more pressure for women to get married than there is for men, and women are often defined by whether they have a man in their lives. The pervasiveness of these shows suggest that the most women can seek is to be attached to a successful man instead of achieving such success themselves. But at the same time, even when these women do ‘achieve’ marrying a rich man, the media makes it seem as though these women deserve to be ridiculed for doing so. Many people dismiss the women on these shows as being golddiggers, and claim they don’t deserve to be on television. I’ve watched Basketball Wives as a guilty pleasure, and the women always make it a point to mention that there’s more to them than just being the wife of a famous athlete. Several of the women have their own businesses, went to college and are mothers. Basketball Wives itself is the business venture of Shaunie O'Neal, ex-wife of basketball star Shaquille O'Neal. Yet the titles of these shows undermine the importance of these women – because what matters most is that they are wives.

Would we be as quick to attack men if they were in the positions as these women, dismissing them as ‘jumpoffs’ of their more successful wives? It’s hard to imagine, since we are rarely presented with such a scenario in our society. The media only heightens the gender inequality – after all, there isn’t a chain of shows about men who are married to famous women. Most people would be hardpressed to even imagine what type of show that would be, since the most attractive, high paying jobs in our society have traditionally been coded ‘masculine,’ and the few career choices that we automatically think of as ‘feminine’ would probably make ridiculous television (‘Ballerina Husbands,’ anyone?).  But even if there were television shows following the husbands of famous women, I don’t think they would be throwing Smirnoff on one another.

Tough Love for VH1's "Tough Love"



The cast of Tough Love: Miami (VH1).

 A few weeks ago, the third season of the reality television program Tough Love, entitled Tough Love: Miami debuted on VH1. The series follows a group of single women, who are coached by relationship expert Steve Ward on how to become more confident and attract the right man. In each episode, the women are given a challenge (which are usually performed during dates, such as paying the bill or telling a secret), and then are given feedback from Steve during ‘bootcamps.’ I’ve watched the previous two seasons of this show and I really do like it (I’m a sucker for reality television, barring Jersey Shore). However, I’m not a huge fan of the messages behind the show, which are reflections of larger social attitudes.

The biggest problem I have with the show is that it is based upon a double standard. The women who appear on Tough Love have had bad luck in dating, and many of them desperately want to get married.  But women aren’t the only ones who have relationship problems – after all, most people want to find someone special. Yet the show only ‘fixes’ women, which sends the message that something is ‘wrong’ with a woman if she’s single. The series exploits the plight of single women, by mocking them for their faults. For example, in the first episode of Tough Love: Miami, Steve gives the girls nicknames such as ‘Miss Desperate’ and ‘Miss Drama Queen.’ In the second episode, embarrassing photos of the women were posted on a large screen when they were on dates, including one woman’s mugshot. Tough Love also revolves around heteronormative standards, as there have been no lesbians to appear on the show. This suggests that a man may be ‘complete’ without a woman, but women certainly aren’t ‘complete’ without men.

Of course, I don’t blame Tough Love for singlehandedly sending these messages. Society, friends and families pressure women to feel that they should be married by the time they reach a certain age. But instead of reinforcing these beliefs, Tough Love should be reassuring these women that it’s okay to be alone. At the very least, VH1 is attempting to fix Tough Love’s double standard by debuting a new show, Why Am I Still Single?, which will help both single women and men find love. Hey, it’s a start.