Tough Love for VH1's "Tough Love"



The cast of Tough Love: Miami (VH1).

 A few weeks ago, the third season of the reality television program Tough Love, entitled Tough Love: Miami debuted on VH1. The series follows a group of single women, who are coached by relationship expert Steve Ward on how to become more confident and attract the right man. In each episode, the women are given a challenge (which are usually performed during dates, such as paying the bill or telling a secret), and then are given feedback from Steve during ‘bootcamps.’ I’ve watched the previous two seasons of this show and I really do like it (I’m a sucker for reality television, barring Jersey Shore). However, I’m not a huge fan of the messages behind the show, which are reflections of larger social attitudes.

The biggest problem I have with the show is that it is based upon a double standard. The women who appear on Tough Love have had bad luck in dating, and many of them desperately want to get married.  But women aren’t the only ones who have relationship problems – after all, most people want to find someone special. Yet the show only ‘fixes’ women, which sends the message that something is ‘wrong’ with a woman if she’s single. The series exploits the plight of single women, by mocking them for their faults. For example, in the first episode of Tough Love: Miami, Steve gives the girls nicknames such as ‘Miss Desperate’ and ‘Miss Drama Queen.’ In the second episode, embarrassing photos of the women were posted on a large screen when they were on dates, including one woman’s mugshot. Tough Love also revolves around heteronormative standards, as there have been no lesbians to appear on the show. This suggests that a man may be ‘complete’ without a woman, but women certainly aren’t ‘complete’ without men.

Of course, I don’t blame Tough Love for singlehandedly sending these messages. Society, friends and families pressure women to feel that they should be married by the time they reach a certain age. But instead of reinforcing these beliefs, Tough Love should be reassuring these women that it’s okay to be alone. At the very least, VH1 is attempting to fix Tough Love’s double standard by debuting a new show, Why Am I Still Single?, which will help both single women and men find love. Hey, it’s a start.